How do I know the difference between the true tantric massage sessions from the unprofessional ones?

There has been a lot of services advertised in the category of tantric massage, sensual massage or erotic massage making it overwhelmingly difficult and confusing for us to choose what is right for us . They’re are ways to recognise if a tantric masseuse or masseur is providing a genuine service meaning they actually know what they are doing.

Firstly,  it is the breathing. A skilful tantric masseuse will always put your attention to your breathing, especially if they feel it’s lacking a depth or a favourable timing or they feel they cannot connect to your breathing. Shallow breathing will never take us as nearly as far in our expansion in pleasure, as the deep breathing from our lower belly. In fact we could get into a blissful state only by breathing in a certain way.

There’s a lot of ‘magic’ we could do with the breath. We could up-regulate our nervous system by taking deep but shorter breaths while not letting the out-breaths take too long. This usually adds fire, the quick excitement to your body and it can easily result in climbing steep into a peak orgasm, which could end up in ejaculat

ion or one way energy relief if unmanaged in time. In some tantric and dao practices the endeavour is put on to circulation of the healthy energy within our body or on sharing  it with others in a ‘microcosmic orbit’(as in the vocabulary used by the dao and sexual Qi gong teacher Mantak Chia ). However, there is also a belief of releasing what’s unnecessary and it is up to you where you want to conduct it, as long as it serves your wellbeing.

We could also down-regulate our system by slowing down our deep breathing and elongating the out-breaths. This will allow us to have much more control of the generated excitement. It will give us time and opportunity to notice our body sensations so we can move them around , play and ride the waves of pleasure in much controllable way.

In a tantric session you might want to experiment with both up-regulating and down-regulating states, so you can recognise how they feel in your body and where they might take your consciousness and sensations. What’s fascinating it that it varies each time as we come to a session with different luggage of accumulated stresses, joys and imprints.

Breathing is also the very first step to connect with each other in any massage sessions setting or a touch oriented practice. A breath kiss, where our lips almost touch for the purpose of reading each other’s breath and regulating through it, could be the most mind ( and body ☺️) blowing experience . We can feel each other’s  body states through the breath and start dancing in it… taking a lead or surrender. So much fun!

Moreover the  breath is a powerful tool to detox and dearmour our body. This means it can be directed to places where the body feels numb, contracted, knotted,  tangled or even painful on meeting the pressure,  in order to create a movement and a discharge. This process is preliminary to experiencing what is commonly called a ‘full body orgasm’ where the sensations or ‘energy’ can flow freely and our receptivity and pleasure potential are at their best.

Secondly in a good tantric massage session you will feel the full uwavered presence of the practitioner, there will be no rush or dissotiation (when for example she is thinking of her ex boyfriend and you feel it, she is not there with nor for you). There is the simple FLOW. There will be lots of moments holding and pause where surprisingly the most things happen. The masseuse may not even be touching you but  she will be so present to you, that , if you tune in to your body, you will feel the waves of pleasant sensations riding through your body either in a subtle or more manifesting undulating or any kind of expression manner.

As tantra is quite an intuitive practice, so an experienced tantric masseuse will easily read where in your body you store tension or numbness to be dispersed. She will hold space for any range of emotions or stillness that is necessary to happen to help you in letting go of unnecessary mental constructs and attachments. If you encounter a resistance she might use her creative powers to  equally tease you into those  processes with her body movement, breath, scents, oils and sounds that she will be applying. Yes, a sound is a wave, which If encountered in a  purposeful resonance, whether coming from yours or her body, can crack your body open! Ohwee!!

Finally, or perhaps it could have been firstly of it’s importance, comes the verbal agreement and the consent. Right at the beginning the practitioner will want to discuss your needs and the time frame. This is when you would want to share your experience, expectations, fears, excitements, boundaries or points of resistance ( if you know them) that you would like to challenge. The more you say it from the embodied ( in relation and connection to your present body sensations) state the more true it will sound to you, so you are less likely to get caught up in stories and staying in your head only.

In a tantric massage session you are in a vulnerable position of accepting a gift ( a service)  of someone’s touch and presence as well as taking the pleasure for yourself (which many of us don’t dare to do with our lovers…turning us into pleasers with no juice).

In my opinion a good session will consist of a even balance of those two offers.  If you want to focus more on one with a total willingness of the practitioner, go for the one you find more challenging and you will see your effort will be rewarded in a true transformation.

Therefore if you ever feel that the practitioner is taking from you ( which is more common in a masseur/ female receiver setting but not always…ahh…those needy hands) unless you asked for it, it clearly is not the service you might want to pay for and to experience further. There is a good amount of resources on giving/ receiving/allowing/accepting dynamics on line provided by one of my amazing teachers Betty Martin

I hope you have enjoyed reading and if you have any questions send and email,  tweet or text.